GoogleIt Mail IT Print IT PermaLinkThe Television, Highway, Newspaper and Magazine, Restaurant And Furniture Maker's Conspiracy
10:26:49 AM

I went to the eye doctor a few weeks ago. I asked him if he was aware of the obvious conspiracy that has been going on for the past year. I told him I had it pretty much all figured out... The television networks want us to upgrade to HD digital flat screeen boxes, so they've been deliberately making the generated text in their news tickers and scoreboards smaller and fuzzier on regular broadcast channels. And the GPS navigation companies want us to buy their products for our cars, so they've arranged to make the text on road signs smaller and fuzzier. Newspapers and magazines want to get out of the dead tree editions business and go all-web, so they're making their print smaller and fuzzier. Those are all just plain obvious, but I told my eye doctor that I hadn't figured out why restaurants were reprinting their menus with smaller and fuzzier letters. That just didn't make sense to me, but he quickly explained "it's so you can't see how much you're paying."

I was glad that my eye doctor clearly understood the problem. It gave me a lot of confidence in the solution that he proposed. So, this past Saturday I picked up my anti-conspiracy glasses. They have progressive lenses, so I figured no matter what direction this conspiracy goes in next, I shouldl be prepared.

I'm having a little trouble, for now, with middle distances, but I'm sure I'll get used to it. I'm not tripping on my feet as some people thought I might.

I've also come to the realization that watching television while slouched in a chair with my head all the way back against the pillows isn't really an option with these glasses. Time to get a new chair with a higher back and a nice comfy pillow arranged to keep my head cozy while still sitting up straight so that my eyes are looking through the upper part of the lenses. I guess that the chair and sofa manufacturers have been in on the conspiracy right from the start.

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Comments :v

1. Roberto Boccadoro03/26/2007 12:28:57 PM

I know the name of the conspiracy, and is the same I am fighting against, with no results.
Is called aging

2. Richard Schwartz03/26/2007 12:49:11 PM


3. Bruce Perry03/26/2007 02:03:06 PM

I, for one, welcome our new high-def masters. I'm not a high-ranking conspirator though. Only a 32 in. screen here. Barely qualifies me as a lackey.

BTW, I got a set of progressive lenses optimized for reading and monitor use. There is a small distance region at the top. Past bifocals have given me neck pain with extended monitor use. These don't.

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